Newsflash (2005)

The Newsflash column from the February 2005 issue of the Socialist Standard 

Prince Harry Apologises for Not Wearing Nazi Uniform

Shocked paparazzi yesterday snapped Prince Harry in normal working clothes, minus any sign of swastikas or iron crosses.A Palace spokesperson immediately issued an apology. The statement said “It is well known that the Royal Family has a history of Nazi sympathies going back generations and the Prince recognizes that it was in poor taste to appear in public as if he was a normal person. He hopes that no Nazis were offended by his careless act and promises to keep up the family tradition in future.     

    

Huygens Probe Sends Back First Titan Images

The Huygens probe has sent back the first images of Saturn’s moon Titan, showing a long dark shape resembling an International Communist Current. One stunning black and white image reveals what seem to be  discussion forums on permanent revolution leading out into a remote island of sectarianism. Another shows a flat surface that is apparently strewn with impenetrable position statements. Scientists said Huygens captured more than 300 images of the ICC and that no activity has been detected. The Cassini spacecraft continues to the edge of the solar system where it will eventually establish whether the dark planet Militant actually exists.

Tougher laws on defence of property ruled out

The law on the amount of force owners can use against workers will not be changed, Home Secretary Charles Clarke has announced. A review has concluded the current law, which allows the capitalist class extreme violence” against strikers, protesters and communists is sufficient. “We’ve got all the laws we’ll ever need so I don’t think we have to be greedy”, he said onTuesday. But Mr Clarke added that there will be a publicity  campaign to ensure workers understand they can  protect  themselves from capitalists too. “Do as you’re told and  we’ll leave you alone’, he said .        

Thatcher fined over ‘coup plot’

Sir Mark Thatcher, the son of former UK Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher was fined £265,000 and given a four-year suspended jail term for his involvement in an alleged coup plot in Equatorial Guinea. Sir Mark protested afterwards “I’m innocent, you know. If there was any plot, I lost it years ago, and so did my mum.”