These FoolishThings . . . (1995)

The Scavenger column from the February 1995 issue of the Socialist Standard

The basic contradictions in capitalism cause widespread death, destruction, pollution, poverty and waste. But this is to take the world view. Most of us experience day-to-day capitalism as a series of small stupidities, irritations and frustrations. Here are a few. If you encounter any worth a wry smile, please send them to The Scavenger, who will publish the best.

“I won't claim the Workhouses didn't have their problems. but they were set up by people who cared. " Edwina Currie MP.

Central eating - a letter in a local newspaper:

“Did this caring government not promise to provide a little more for heating to keep us old ones warm?

I applied for heating allowance at the age of 81.

I was refused, so with my 25p bonus for reaching 80 years I bought a packet of extra strong mints.

So there you are! I had something to cat and something to keep me warm at the same time.” 

L. Edwards.

Bimbos for Christ’s sake!

Deep cleavages and micro skirts are currently the height of fashion for those models who give prostitutes a bad name. But now religion is becoming fashionable too. Girls like Samantha Fox and Mandy Smith (ex-Mrs Bill Wyman) have embraced a few men and bared a few square feet of flesh in their time. But now, apparently, they arc embracing Christ and baring their souls as well.

Let’s face it — it’s got to be true if the barbie dolls believe it.

"We are prepared to shoot and kill in the interest of society. " Chief Constable James Anderton.

Dazed and confused

Emma Nicholson, Conservative MP, writing in the Mail on Sunday bewails the fact that charities are becoming career vehicles for highly paid executives who run them like businesses. She says of her own experience with Save the Children.

"As our fundraising improved, so did the notion that success should be measured in terms of the latest spectacular increase in collected cash rather than in the number of lives saved or bettered by the relief of poverty. "

The Scavenger