Why a socialist world won’t be paradise (2011)

The Halo Halo! column from the July 2011 issue of the Socialist Standard

“Does Osama Bin Ladin get his 70 virgins now that he’s in paradise?” asked a questioner at the Moslem platform in Speakers’ Corner.

“In heaven you can have whatever you want,” replied the old mullah. “You just imagine it and it’s there. You can have wine and beer and no matter how much you have you never get drunk.”

This will no doubt come as a shock to would-be Islamic martyrs who are hoping for real virgins rather than imaginary ones (although it will be a great relief to the virgins). The quality of the alcohol doesn’t sound too good either. But at least it was some kind of answer to the question of what heaven is all about. Believers, although adamant that they want to go, tend to be rather vague about what you actually do when you get there.

So for any readers of the Socialist Standard, concerned about the next life, here are a few details (courtesy of google) of what to expect.

First a few observations from a Christian website. www.godandscience.org (Well we want scientific details don’t we?)

• “The new earth will have no sea. There will be no sun or moon. Gravity will be absent or greatly reduced. No more death, suffering, pain. Believers will receive a new body”.
• “The laws of thermodynamics seem to be absent from the new creation.”
• “Contrary to the Mormon view of heaven, it doesn’t seem that people in heaven will be either male or female”.

    Don’t get too excited about going yet though, you may not qualify. There’s a long list of sins to be avoided. And it’s unlikely that many of our readers will not have succumbed to one or two of the following:

“Sexual immorality, idolatry, adultery, prostitution, homosexual offences, theft, greed, drunkenness, slander, swindling, impurity, witchcraft, hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy, orgies, abomination, lying, cowardice, unbelief, murder, sorcery.”

In case you need more information, Islam, anxious to make clear that Christianity doesn’t have a monopoly of knowledge, also has several websites dealing with the subject. For the following we are indebted to www.answering-christianity.com.

• “Allah Almighty created heaven with 500 levels. The highest level will have the prophets, the martyrs, and the most righteous…”
• “So, let’s say we have a mother and a son. The mother was admitted to level 256, and the son was admitted to level 310. Both the mother and the son can still see each other, but she won’t be able to enjoy the things her son is enjoying, nor will he be able to share them with her.”
• “No dung, piss, bad body odour, bad breath, or bad sweat smell will exist in heaven. The food and the drinks that we consume into our bodies will turn into great smelling musk. The higher the person’s level in Paradise the better his smell will be.”

So there we have it in excruciating detail. The righteous ones certainly do their homework.

NW